The beauty of Imperfection

i have exam tomorrow morning, and i can't sleep early today. I probably will be up until 2am..like usual.
I just figure out something today. I've been walking along my tough days recently, its about 2 weeks now. my life keep being upside down, sometime I feel so inspired, sometime not; sometime i keep telling myself to put a smile on, sometime I just kept myself shunt from others.

I just figure out that in the past time I used to become a perfectionist..I used to aim high, I struggled hard, I worked hard..to some points, I pushed myself over my limit. I did achieved my aim, but I just torn up myself. I just figure out that I used to live in people's expectation, not on my own.

And today, I close my eyes and trying to get things fix ; telling myself that I can only feel happy by just being me. I don't need to be perfect, to bring happiness inside me. I have to accept mistakes, fault, imperfection to go on with life.. We don't live in drama, where we see everything is perfectly end, perfectly nice. I have to keep breathing and move on; plugging in my mind that I am worth it to live happily in my own life. I choose the way I live, and I choose to be positive; and accept imperfection.

You see, in life there is nothing can be changed, if Allah create it to happen. kun fayakun..
But yeah.. I believe that I can always turn everything positively. I can't fix everything, but to accept things,to breath and just move on, hoping there is always best thing will happen in life; after sometime it will come into our life.inshaAllah.
For things that we never had before, we will chase them, will always hoping for them.. but the truth is to accept the lost and to move on; and accept any possibilities coming ahead  as a gift. What I mean is, stop dreaming to have what we want. Just be grateful with what we have in our hands, and pray for the best. I used to dream...dream..with expectation, with fear of fault, i was hoping my life will be dramatic. After all life is about justice.life is about imperfection. You can't get everything turns well in your life, you get something turn success, and the other part of your life is taken. Like people always said, not all successful people live in a happy family, beautiful marriage; while others collapse in career, but they have happy supportive family with them. You might want to choose to be which of them, but you can't. Because Allah choose which life you have to go through..and He knows you are going to be good with any of it; you will..because He will always stay beside you, listening and guiding you.
so be THANKFUL.

While today might be tough for me, to admit life is imperfect, and to keep move on. with fear inside me, but i want to tell myself that I have courage to live on.I will not hope for anything else, rather than just hoping tomorrow will bring the best thing in my life, whatever it is..I know Allah will brings me the best thing in my life, and I will be grateful.

Sometime I do feel like life in dunya is very cruel..to each of us. Life in this world are just too short, but we have to face many things, to get hurt, to feel pain, laugh, happiness..but it is just here.too short, but too hard to breath with all kind of feelings..in jannah there will be only happiness, subhanallah. May be that is why Allah never turns everything perfect here, so that our heart doesn't go too attached to it.

Allah, I know you heard every single word, every prayers i made.
thank you Allah for this beautiful journey. Im proud to be myself, and I know I am strong girl.to move on, and keep things positively.inshaAllah